Recent events in my life have made me re-examine the meaning of the word family.
In the last few years but in particular recently I have started to value the quality of life over quantity and that includes people in a life. Which brings me to what defines a family?
My husband and I both do not have large families and the family we do have we have not much contact with them. It's just really my mother who is extended family. I have no relationships outside of facebook friends who are biologically related to me. I have relatives of course, but I don't see them or interact much past a friendly hi and how are you? If I do it is rare, and usually something big has happened. My biological father's side I never felt welcomed and as an adult realized this was a correct assumption. On my mother's side the two people who seemed to like me have passed away. On my in-laws side, we see them for an hour at Christmas and Thanksgiving. I have a brother but he lives out of town.
So what defines a family? I am always told I have a large family based on the amount of children I have and I suppose in those terms I do have a large family. Six kids is not the norm now a day. But there aren't any cousins and aunts and uncles, grandparents and great aunt Martha's at any family events that my kids will experience as children.
I am often questioned if this bothers me and although I know it should, for the most part it doesn't. I would love to have a family that extends past my front door but life doesn't always give you the picture perfect painting of what you think is a typical family.
For better or worse this is the family I have and the bonus side is with six kids, chances are my grandchildren are going to have a blast growing up with so many extended family members. Fingers cross they want to be in each other's lives and I will be there to witness it all.
There in lies the secret. When you think of the future whom do you picture there?
I picture my family I have made with my husband, our 5 sons and our daughter, my mom, my children's spouses and their children. I also picture my brother there... sometimes haha. Sorry Duane of course you will be there.
But I also picture some friends in the mix. Some old friends but most likely there will be lots of new friends and when I think of this it also reminds me that although I may not have typical family events I do have events where there are people around that I really enjoy and care for and I suspect they care for us too.
In fact, I have the family I pictured in the future and it's still growing.
Which brings me back to recent events. Life is very short, a long life is not a promise, a given. It can be short and none of us know when our time is running out. It is important to relish in those individuals you cherish being surrounded by and not worry about what you do not have. It's illogical and the only thing it changes is enjoying what you have in front of you to the fullest extent.
My definition of family is the family my husband and I built- six humans that I can't even dare to think of a life without. Plus my mother who as much as she drives me to drink has always tried to be there and has been a life savour more than once since my younger kids were born. It is also the people who come into our lives during our lifetime and enrich it, even if it is only for a brief period of time. That is my definition of family.
The people, who make you laugh, celebrate, piss you off but you dust yourself off and get over it, cry with and worry that they are all right. They also worry about you too.
That last part is really hard to find but there are people out there who will. There is always someone out there who will and it doesn't have to be many. It only needs to be one. This is why it is so important to let go of what you don't have so that you can embrace what you could have. Family isn't always about how you are related to someone, sometimes it's just the people in your life who care.
Family. It's such a powerful word. I love it.
No comments:
Post a Comment